“I’m too stupid to be human,” and other Bible verses that are funny when taken out of context

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A year ago, I started this blog as a place to share my reflections on faith, family, and culture. Circumstances over the past year have led me to write pieces that are more serious and morose, and my sister has dubbed my blog, “Debbie Downer’s Daily Dose of Depression.”

While it’s true that some of my pieces are a bit melancholy, her description is absurdly inaccurate. There’s no way I post every day!

So, to prove her wrong, I’m going to share with you a rather unconventional list of Bible verses. You see, sometimes when I’m reading my Bible, a scripture strikes me as humorous that really wasn’t intended to be. Whenever that happens, I jot the scripture down inside the back cover. I’ve been doing this for several years now, and have collected a substantial list of verses that are funny to someone with a juvenile sense of humor like me.

If you have others that need to be added to this important scriptural compilation, I hope you’ll share them in the comments!

Anyone with a male sibling knows… “A brother is born for adversity.” (Prov 17:17 ESV)


A good ol’ Southern truce. “No feller is come up against us.” (Isaiah 14:8 KJV)


That jerk down the street. “I will accept no bull from your house.” (Psalm 50:9 RSV)


Quittin’ time. “Give beer to those who are perishing.” (Prov 31:6 NIV)


Not even on Christian Mingle. “I will not find a wise man among you.” (Job 17:10 NIV)


Ditto. “A faithful man who can find?” (Prov 20:6)


Don’t hold your breath. “I will never admit you are in the right.”  (Job 27:5 NIV)


Truer words were never spoken. “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house– too much of you, and they will hate you.” (Prov 25:17 NIV)


That time of the month. “My soul shall be satisfied as with fat and rich food.” (Psalm 63:5 ESV)


And one for the guys. “Put a knife to your throat if you are a man of great appetite.”  (Prov. 23:2)


Stupid morning people. “If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.” (Prov 27:14 NIV)


Conservative vs. Liberal “The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.” (Ecc 10:2 NIV)


I’ll just leave this here. “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life.” (1 Cor 7:28 NIV)


Case in point. “My breath is offensive to my wife.” (Job 19:17)


Ever wanted to say this to someone? “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.” (Neh 6:8 NIV)


Sometimes you just gotta. “I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong.” (Gal 2:11 NIV)


The last presidential debate. “Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing?” (Job 16:3 NIV)


That idiot at work. “If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.” (Job 13:5 NIV)


The struggle is real. “I am too stupid to be human.” (Prov 30:2 NIV)


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